"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:3-5
I've probably talked about this verse before. But today God led me to a deeper understanding of a passage I've heard a hundred times. It's is not the first time that's happened, and it won't be the last. This verse is important though, since it's always been one of my favorites. I've always really resonated with the first part. Suffering? Yeah, I've done plenty of that, and I'd like to think that it's created a lot of perseverance and character in me. So much of who I am today is a direct result of the trials I've been through. They have molded me, strengthened my resolve, given me wisdom, and equipped me with great advice for others going through the same thing. As someone with depression, I know just how deep suffering can hurt, but every time I come back from the darkness I feel stronger. Suffering produces perseverance, and perseverance develops strong character.
I always got lost on the hope part though, because in many ways my suffering taught me to shun hope. To me, hope was foolish and dangerous. The fact that I couldn't manage to snuff out my hope for things was something I really didn't like about myself. Why couldn't I just remain detached? After so many disappointments with school, job prospects, boyfriends, friendships, and more, I didn't like the idea of having so much hope when there was so much that could go wrong again. After all, in the past it always seemed that the minute I thought things might be going well and hope really started to bloom, everything would come crashing down. So why would I want to let hope take root in my heart when it always seemed to wither as soon as it saw the sunlight? Then today I realized: My definition of hope was all wrong.
Hope is not tied to a certain situation. The hope that Paul is talking about in Romans 5 isn't the kind of hope that aches and shatters when another job application is met with silence or another relationship crumbles. The hope that is produced by suffering and perseverance and character is a deep, strong hope. That hope is the faith that God will never forsake us. It is the belief that the sun will always rise at the end of the night. Much to my surprise, today I found that hope firmly rooted and blooming in my heart, and finally saw its true nature.
Last night a dear friend called me in the wee hours, and when I picked up the phone I heard the relief in his voice as he said he was hoping that I would answer, because he was depressed and he knew I would understand. As I talked him through his worries, I found myself spreading hope to him. The reason I have that hope to give is the same reason I understood his despair - I have been in the darkness, and I have been led back to the light. After I hung up I thought back to all the times I have had similar conversations with friends who were going through some devastatingly bleak times. Even when so much of the evidence from my own life pointed to the foolishness of hope, I told them that things would get better, and I truly believe it. The character that has developed from the trials I have overcome, and the faithfulness of God that has shone in every valley, cultivates a hope that cannot be destroyed by the twists and turns of life. That hope is never foolish, even in the face of disappointment. True hope runs deep. It turns my face to the sunrise, even when the sorrow is so heavy I can barely lift my head.
Even when life disappoints us, hope truly does not. It keeps us pushing onward, to new blessings that are better than we ever could have imagined.
"This is what the Lord says - your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: 'I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go. If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river, your righteousness like the waves of the sea.'" (Isaiah 48:17-18)
Where do our morals come from? The other day I spent a lot of time considering the source of our values and how we determine what's important to us. For many of us who grew up in the church, a lot of what we do is shaped by the principles of our faith. The more constant influence is the teachings of our parents, which may also line up with the teachings of faith. What about those who don't come from a religious family though? What about the laws of our governments? Or the rules of our institutions? Interestingly enough, my opinion is that those "secular" values also stem from the roots of God's law. We are born sinful, and tempted constantly to engage in destructive behavior that hurts both us and our neighbors. Since ancient times (in fact, the beginning of time), God's law has been there to guide us away from our selfish and harmful natures. It is the basis for the morals we have passed down for centuries, the very core of our idea of what it means to be a "good person". Even if we don't recognize our actions as a breach of God's law, we can see the awful consequences of our actions. Sometimes it takes such a breach to turn us back to God, asking for His forgiveness and seeking His guidance again.
The verse from Isaiah that I quoted above speaks a truth that I often forget: God's path, no matter how difficult it seems at the time, is always what's best for us. Always. Following His direction is the only way to experience real peace, without the calamity that comes from the actions of our selfish nature. As I said though, as a sinful human I tend to go charging ahead with what I think is best for me. Sometimes I'm even aware of the consequences, and decide to go ahead anyway, simply because sin is in my nature and temptation is so very hard to resist. Paul recounts his own struggle with this in Romans 7:7-25, including his well-known lament in verse 15: "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." As Christians we desire to follow God, and we know that His will is best, but despite our best intentions we stumble. At the end of the passage though, Paul shares the hope that we have even after we fall: "Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord!" (vv. 24-25)
God has us covered from all sides. He gives us direction to lead us to peace, and offers us forgiveness through the sacrifice of His Son when we stray. Take comfort dear friends! Your Father gives you all you need for a life of peace and joy.
"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." (Psalm 51:10-12)
Here we are folks, thirty days later (plus the two I skipped). Chances are you've heard this verse before. It's sung as an offertory for the third Divine Service setting in the Lutheran Service Book. It's almost curious to think of these words as a prelude to returning our gifts to God. Everything in it is a request, which may seem a bit of a selfish offering. But when you think about it, with these words we offer up our souls to be changed by God. We ask He work in us and continue to grant us spiritual gifts. Here we acknowledge how undeserving we are. And here we admit that we need the strength and healing that only He can give.
As I read this today I realized that the requests David brings before the Lord in this psalm were also on my heart as I started this blog. I knew that I had been wrong in so many ways and relied on everything else except God for help. I knew that I needed to change and remember where my strength and purpose comes from. I've come a long way, and I can only pray I've brought many of you with me. But no matter how far I've come, I still must bring these requests to my Lord daily. In fact, I can say with confidence that I will continue to need this prayer every day of my life. We are sinful beings, and apt to stray. But I can also say that God never withholds these blessings. As we come to Him in repentance, we are met only with love and forgiveness. When we seek out His Word and spend time in conversation with Him, we find the peace and renewal that we seek. We are reminded of the boundless joy that we have through salvation. We are sustained by the knowledge that He has worked faith in us, and will sustain it.
Some days I've had to force myself to sit down and write, while other days I've felt a deep need to dig into the Word. In all these days I have never regretted the time I've spent meditating on God's Word and sharing it with all of you. I have learned how much comfort can be drawn from God's Word. I have uncovered mysteries that we humans cannot understand. I have been reminded that God's love is balm for a troubled heart. And I have rediscovered that He is always offering guidance, and we need only to seek it. I'm not sure exactly sure how often I will post now, but I hope to do it more than I was before. Whatever happens, I hope you, like me, have been granted a "willing spirit" that will continue to seek God's will in all you do.
I leave you with the words of my favorite professor:
"God is much at work, even when you don't detect it."
"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." (Ephesians 4:2)
"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord...Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" (Ephesians 5:22 & 25)
"Your attitude should be the same as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness." (Philippians 2:5-7)
"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time." (1 Peter 5:6)
Okay, obviously I'm not going to completely unpack every single one of these verses, because we're still going for "bite-sized". Today I might sound like a broken record, because I've talked before about modeling our love after Christ, and the importance of humility. But it's so important, and I wanted to bring up all these verses and look at how they're all connected. This morning in church I heard a really wonderful sermon about the "dreaded" submission of wives. The point that made it not dreadful at all is that the roles are exemplified by our relationship with Christ. That relationship is filled with humility on both sides. Even though Christ is true God and has divine power, He humbled himself and became a man. There were times when He demonstrated the power He had, but there were also times when He chose to refrain. The most important example is when He was on the cross. He chose to endure that humiliating and torturous sacrifice through to completion, to save us. It is the ultimate example of humility and love. Now he is exalted (keep reading in that Philippians passage). We also endure suffering here on earth, but because of His suffering we will also share in the exaltation.
This is our ultimate goal for relationships here on Earth - to emulate the humility, submission, sacrifice, and love that has been demonstrated for us by Christ. We will fall short, because we are sinners. We needed an example and we're slow learners. But I cannot stress enough that after suffering comes joy. When we consider our own needs as more important than those of others, we drive others away and are left with such a weight on our shoulders. But when we care for each other, offer encouragement, and admit our weaknesses to one another, even our weakness and pain becomes strength and blessing. While it may not always work with every person in your life (and those situations are difficult to handle), most of the time we draw in the love that we give out. Think of how incredible it is to be loved by Christ. Now think of how incredible it is to experience even a shadow of that kind of love here on Earth. Sound like something worth having? I certainly think so.
I'm slowly learning that humility is the key to love and joy, even in those times when it seems like humility will cause me to lose everything. In the end, what God has in store for me is better than anything I may lose here.
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10)
When I did my final psychology research project in college, the findings of my study were that people who tend to strive towards accepting and understanding themselves also tend to be more satisfied with their lives. The folks in my study who relied more on the approval of others were often less satisfied. After I presented my results, one of my mentors asked me what I thought life satisfaction scores would be in those striving for a stronger faith. The answer to the question should be that faith-centered goals lead us to a higher satisfaction, but unfortunately I'm not sure it would be true. You see, we tend to let other things get in the way. Even if we want to grow closer to God, we are so distracted. We fill our lives with so many things for "self improvement": jobs, school, relationships, fitness, hobbies, and more. Don't get me wrong, those things are important! We are given talents by God and called to use them. But are we honestly pursuing those talents to be good stewards? I know in my own life I'm guilty of using all those things as a distraction, and relying on them to make me happy. I lean on them for fulfillment. Ironically, when I pursue all the things that are supposed to fill my life with purpose, I end up feeling more empty.
The reason that I said people with faith-centered goals would be happier is that those of us who are saved by Christ and loved by the Father don't need to keep searching and trying to find fulfillment. The goals we set in life can change, and we are almost sure to fail at a few of them. But when we set our sights on God, and seek to know Him better, we are sure to be satisfied. He gives us His Word for comfort and instruction. He delights in giving us gifts. From Him we learn humility, mercy, love, and joy. In Him we have forgiveness when we fail, and help when we falter. He doesn't just give us eternal life, He fills it to the brim. When others fail us, and we fail ourselves, God is still there to hold us up.
Next time you're feeling empty and discouraged from all the goals you've fallen short of, remember where you get your purpose.
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)
Wasting away isn't a pretty picture, but I used the phrase in a conversation today. I said that I wanted to be left to waste away. The person I was talking to didn't respond, and that only drove home the point that it can be dangerous to put our hope in people. Now I'm not saying that everyone is secretly selfish or not to be trusted. We need to trust at least some people, or we wouldn't be able to live productive lives. The point is that people are sinful, and everyone will let you down in one way or another. We go through life in a cycle of repentance and forgiveness. God, however, has never and will never let us down. He doesn't cause bad things to happen in our lives. He doesn't tempt us into calamity. He doesn't hurt us. He loves us, guides us, and saves us from our sin. Most importantly, He doesn't give up and leave us to wither. He strengthens us. When we feel as if we're wasting away, He saves us from hopelessness.
It may be a little upsetting to hear our troubles called "light" or "momentary". Many affect us deeply, and take a long time to overcome. It's okay to recognize how painful it is, but we need to also recognize that the trouble will end. Someday we will look at this time in our personal history and see how we've grown, as we do now with our past experiences. After we die, those troubles will fade from our memory in the endless bliss of heaven. The feeling of wasting away often comes in the midst of the hurting, when it's hard to see what there is to look forward to. I struggle daily with the fact that there's not much I can fix my imagination on, because I'm so caught up in the pain from hopes of this life that have been disappointed. Even the temporary things are hard to see at this moment, and those that I can see look bleak. But even now there are eternal things on which I can fix my sights. I can trust in those things, and they are worth waiting for.
When earthly trouble wears you down, remember to place your trust and hope in the eternal promises of our Father.
"Then He told this parable: A man had a fig tree, planted in his vineyard, and he went to look for the fruit on it, but did not find any. So he said to the man who took care of the vineyard, 'For three years now I've been coming to look for fruit on this fig tree and haven't found any. Cut it down! Why should it use up the soil?'
'Sir,' the man replied, 'leave it alone for one more year, and I'll dig around it and fertilize it. If it bears fruit next year, fine! If not, then cut it down.'" (Luke 13:6-9)
Several years ago I was at a church youth event over the New Year's holiday, and during the event my team and I attended a church service on New Year's Eve. It had been a really rough December, and throughout the event I had been in a very heated conflict with an old friend (it was the first time I had seen them in months). As usual, my emotions were getting the better of me. I was angry, and stubborn, and after the weeks I'd had I wasn't in the most forgiving mood. I didn't see that any good could come from patching things up, and it was going to take a lot of effort. During the church service though, this parable was a part of the readings, and the pastor used it for his sermon. That night is one of the times I remember distinctly as an example of God speaking directly to my heart. The pastor spoke about our tendency to take an axe to things when we think they're more trouble than they're worth. He encouraged us to consider what might happen if we keep working just a little bit longer, maybe even giving it more attention and trying a different method. I cried as I sat in church hearing God telling me to try a little bit of gentleness and care.
I won't say that I'm now best friends with the person I was fighting with that New Year's Eve. But we did work things out in the hours following the church service, and it was an incredible way to start the year, having made peace in a long standing conflict. They stayed in my life in important ways that I would never have predicted, and I was always glad we could be on good terms. The point is, it's not always easy for us in our human short-sightedness to see why God may be calling us to dig and fertilize instead of tear down. In our hastiness we want to simply cut out the things in our lives that seem too complicated or pointless to deal with. I think as children of God we are called to try harder than the world thinks we should. Perhaps it won't work, or it won't make a very big difference, but the peace that comes from giving our best effort is priceless. Even if things don't turn around, you can live with the knowledge that you gave it another chance. God works with us, even in our sinfulness, and gives us endless chances to come back and receive mercy. As imitators of God, we should also endeavour to forgive and seek peace with our neighbors.
Living a life of forgiveness and grace might mean trying harder when we just want to give up. As with many things, it's not always easy, but it is always worth it.
