Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Brief but interesting thoughts

"The Lord is with you when you are with Him. If you seek Him, He will be found by you, but if you forsake Him, He will forsake you." 2 Chronicles 15:2
(First, let me apologise for any incorrect references or changes in wording or verses that are only half complete that appear here in my blog. Many verses are coming from my Spiritual Vitamin jar, and I'm discovering that it has a lot of all three of those mishaps.)
This verse is one in which it is important to keep context in mind. 1 and 2 Chronicles are in the Old Testament, and are a sort of compiled history of the life of the Israelites. Basically God is using a prophet to remind Israel that their troubles are, in a way, their own fault. They turned to false gods and yet still expected protection from their own true God.
With that understanding, it's a little easier to talk about this verse. It's not saying that unless you spend the day praying and seeking God that your whole life will go wrong. It's not saying that if you do that you'll have everything you want. I look at it as an explanation for some of the bad things that happen in the world. As a whole, the population of the world has forsaken God. Actually, let's just look at America. Even here we have forsaken God. He is all over our money (which is ironic, because some people "worship money") and we hear about him all the time, but I'd say (not statistically) that not even half of the population really seeks God. Lots of people go to church, but lots of people do it because they think they should. They think that the motions of church make up for the sins of the rest of the week. Now, don't get me wrong, if people are worshiping as they should then church does make up for everything we do wrong when it has a time for Confession and Absolution. But how many of us, when the Pastor allows a time for silence to reflect on our sins, are thinking "I'm hungry, what am I going to have for lunch? Oh, yeah, reflection. Um God? That probably wasn't good when I lied yesterday. But man did it save me some trouble..." The good news is that God is always merciful. Even when we can't think of all of our sins or when we've forsaken him for a while, he never says "That's enough, I'm done with you." He always offers grace to those that ask for it sincerely, no matter the price. His son Jesus paid every price on the cross, once for all, so that we will never be truly forsaken.

Monday, April 11, 2011

A favorite of mine

Wow has it been a long weekend. But once again, I've been blessed richly. Here I was thinking that I would have to make it 3 weeks before seeing my boyfriend, and God drops an opportunity right in my lap to go see him this weekend. Really, from Wednesday afternoon through Sunday afternoon, I've had incredible things happen. Suddenly all my classes on Friday got cancelled, allowing me to leave Thursday night and spend Friday with the man. Then I could also go to an OAFC weekend (a wonderful group that trains youth and adults to witness their faith and gives them the opportunity to do so), which I thought I wasn't going to do until May. Just to top the whole experience, a miracle occurred and I was assigned to the perfect dorm room. Seriously, I had been praying about this, and I could not have asked for anything better. No more worries about needing my own space (this suite has four individual bedrooms). I'm being taken from what is possibly the worst room on campus to one of the best. It's amazing. And here I was worrying about all this stuff. 
The situation reminds me of a verse that is one of my favorites, Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight."
Sometimes when I pray, it honestly feels less like giving my problems to God and more like lending them. I mean yes, there are some situations where prayer must be supplemented by human actions, such as in the case of housing assignments. I can pray all day to be assigned to the best room, but I still have to make sure I turn in my paperwork as early as possible and show up for room selection on time. But it seems like with mental or emotional issues (I was struggling with one of these this weekend, some worry about an emotional situation I cannot change) I have trouble just letting it go. As I noted, there is no way I can help or change the situation, and I'm praying that God would simply give me peace and guide my actions. Yet even though I've supposedly given God control and asked him to "make my paths straight", as soon as the problem arises again or I'm reminded of the issue, I take it all back and try to work it out myself. It never does any good, and I need to stop. It's circular, but I guess I need to pray for the strength to trust God with my prayers. With all of my heart. 
On Saturday night the group had a devotion centered around another great verse. In John 16:33 Jesus says, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
Christ died and then rose to overcome the powers that seem to overwhelm me sometimes. Even when the world (including the world of my own mind) gives me trouble, I can be at peace knowing that God has ultimate control, and is guiding every step of my life.
 

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

What a gift

I'm so incredibly happy that God gave us music. Singing is such a joy to me, and so is listening to music, especially instrumental pieces such as these. This song came up on one of my Pandora radio stations and I thought I'd share! The sound quality isn't the very best in some places, but it's still beautiful.

 
 A verse to accompany this: "You are my hiding place; You will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance" Psalm 32:7

Hebrews 4:16

"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."
I'm not sure I've ever read the whole book of Hebrews, but maybe that should be a project, because this is the second verse I've really liked that came from there. I don't have huge grand thoughts about this, although it does tie in with the thinking I've been doing lately about Martin Luther. My history class reading for this week included the Reformation, and that inspired me to go to our library and check out the movie "Luther", which I will watch later today. I'm thinking this was a verse that Luther really liked. In his time the Catholic church was really into telling Christians that they were worthless sinners and had to do some major penance, and he didn't agree. God tells us in his New Testament that Jesus paid for our sins - no strings attached and no extra work necessary. When we sin we can ask God for forgiveness with confidence, knowing that he will always be merciful and gracious! 
As a final thought, the wording of the verse made me curious as to what the previous verse said, so I looked it up. Hebrews 4:15 reads "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet was without sin." That, dear friends, is awesome. Not only does God forgive us, but he also understands the temptation that we go through and offers us the benefits of his perfect resistance to that temptation. What a blessing.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Perseverance and Grace

Today I have two thoughts! You guessed it - one on perseverance and one on God's amazing grace.
First, the other day I pulled James 1:4 from my jar, "Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." This verse came out when I was struggling with how long my life seems at the moment. Right now there are two different important things that are going to take a lot of time before I see results. First, my college degrees. I'm pretty set on becoming a Physical Therapist, so I'm getting a 4-year Biomedical Sciences degree and then continuing another 3 years in grad school to get a Doctor of Physical Therapy degree. When I'm just almost done with my freshman year, that's a fairly daunting idea. Sometimes I say that I wish I could just inject all the knowledge into my brain and start working now, but as the verse says, I must persevere. 
Another thing that's going to take time to culminate is my relationship. A lot of people (it seems like I've been talking about this a lot lately) are surprised when they hear that my boyfriend and I discuss our future fairly often. We recognize that we're each other's best friend, and neither of us can really imagine anyone better to spend our lives with. So yes, we've talked about marriage and a possible timeframe for that. The soonest we could logically consider that course of action would be 3 or 4 years from now, when I at least have a degree and he's almost finished his. Sometimes I say "Psh, with him that's not that long." But temptation is difficult and sometimes we both wish we could have a bit of a closer goal. But yeah, then that verse came out of my jar. The phrase "mature and complete, not lacking anything" really struck me. God is having us wait so that we will both be complete and ready to start a life together.This is all under the belief that it is God's will for us to end up together.

My second meditation of sorts is on Isaiah 9:6-7 and 53:2-12, and comes from a discussion we had in my favorite class, "The Bible". My professor is really great, first of all, and comes up with some really neat connections. Today he first asked us to look at the section in chapter 9. (This thought is very appropriate for the season of Lent, by the way) There Jesus is foretold as a mighty ruler who will come in glory and fix the world, with such lovely language as "Wonderful Counselor", "Prince of Peace" and "Of the increase of his government and peace there will be no end." This is the image of Jesus that we sometimes like to focus on. But chapter 53 paints a rather different picture, and is really wonderful to think about if you think about it right. Here are some of my favorite verses from the section: from verses 2 "He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him." and verses 5 and 6 "But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all." Even though we like to envision the Christ as mighty and great, in truth he was simple and rejected by the world. He died a gruesome death on a cross, the death reserved for the worst of criminals. He not only covered our sins with his sacrifice, but also became the scapegoat and carried them completely away. Here's a beautiful thought that my prof pointed out: When he descended into hell, defeated the devil, and rose again, he could have come back as a victor with a perfect and flawless body. But, as we see in the Gospels with the story of Doubting Thomas, he chose to keep the wounds by which we are healed, as proof and reminder that we are paid for. So although it seems like a contradiction of his glorious image, I think the gruesome sacrifice and the resulting scars are absolutely beautiful.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Green

This morning I don't really have a verse yet. But I'm struggling with a recurrent sin, the ugly green glow of jealousy. Jealousy is a funny thing. In my life there are two kinds: sad and angry.
Sad jealousy is the kind I feel when I see other people walking around with groups of friends or eating and laughing in the cafeteria. It's also what I feel when I come back to an empty room and know that my roommate is hanging out with people, which is something I never do.
Angry jealousy is what I usually feel in the subject of romantic relationships, and it's more blatantly sinful (because I'm angry at how my life turned out, and therefore angry at God). This is what I feel when I'm 250 miles away from the person I love, and yet I see couples here that live in the same building. Angry jealousy is also what I feel when I think too hard about my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend. And that is the feeling and thought process that kept me awake last night. I'm jealous of the time she had with him that I can never claim; the part of his life that I wasn't there for and she was. I'm angry that while I'm giving him my first of everything (I've never been in a relationship before), I'll always have to share the list of people he's loved with her. I'm angry that for the time being I haven't been with him for as long as she was. That anger covers up the small hidden and illogical fear that when we get to that point, we won't make it either. I'm angry that she took so long to get over him, and that it's put me in a very awkward place where no matter how much evidence i now have that she's over it, I'll never really trust her. I'm jealous that she's so well liked by his whole family, and I've only ever met his immediate family and we're not extremely close. 
It's so nonsensical and terrible, because I know that God has a plan and I should focus on the events of right now and just be the best girlfriend I can be. Just sometimes at night when I'm overtired and she somehow comes up on facebook or in the phone conversation between he and I, it brings back memories and unbidden thoughts and I start to wonder about the nature and details of their relationship. Sometimes I'm even terrible enough to ask him about things, which is not nice, because he probably doesn't want to think about it that much. Last night I think the jealousy was particularly bad because, when I asked a question about something specific in their time together, instead of his usual "I don't remember well" he explained that he sometimes leaves out details or words it carefully so as to not worry me. Of course that made me worry more, because I want to know what he's thinking that he's not telling me because it's worrisome.
I apologize, this is becoming too much like a personal rant. Honestly it's just me trying to sort through my own thoughts, and it's kindof like a confession.
That actually does remind me of a Bible verse I can bring into this mess: "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9
It's wonderful to know that in the midst of all this guilt and worry I can confess it to God and he will both forgive me and help me to not fall into it again. 

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Hebrews 13:5

It's been a great weekend full of blessings! God has given me a wonderful boyfriend who is compatible with me in countless ways. Just reminding myself to look at the bright side, instead of being sad that I had to leave.
So I think for the most part I'm going to try to write whenever I pull a Spiritual Vitamin and have a minute to meditate. Fun fact: when I pull a Vitamin (by the way, to explain, these are slips of paper with Bible verses stuck in a jar) I usually shake the jar until one frees itself and jumps out. I'm hoping that makes it a little more random and improves the chance of me reading what I need to hear most. 
Interestingly enough, tonight there were two loose ones that I thought would shake out first and a different orange slip popped out of nowhere. It's Hebrews 13:5 "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."
How can this apply today? It's funny, I was just having a pout today because I don't like for other people to spend money on me, and my boyfriend's parents insisted on covering a tank of gas (which is rising in price) for my long drive. So maybe my stubborn refusal of accepting money from others is wrong. That's a stretch kinda. Let's think harder. It's true, I was daydreaming after that about God somehow providing a large sum of money so I could buy a car with great gas mileage. I already get good mileage, I just want more. So I definitely should be content and trust for God to provide opportunities and funds for visits to my real family and my pseudo family. It's also driven home by the promise to never forsake me. The boyfriend and I have always remarked how it seems like God has had a huge part in our relationship, especially its formation and progression. So even if money is tight or it seems like we can't make it, God will still be there to guide us. What a comfort in my current state, when I'm coming down from my high and feeling the sting of distance.