Perhaps for some of you your feelings about this tragedy go along with what I was going to write about. Today I wanted to share some thoughts on anger. Everyone experiences anger at some point, probably even every day. Most of the time we feel mild frustration which we can deal with easily. Have you ever been so angry about something that it interferes with your daily life?
This kind of anger has plagued me before. At the end of high school several things in my life didn't go as I expected. Frankly, life was going very poorly. My reaction was to be very angry. For months I let myself wallow in fury. I couldn't see a way out. The truth is that I didn't want to stop. Anger seemed the appropriate response at the time. Suddenly I had been betrayed and cast off by something I thought I could count on, and it only seemed right to be angry. What good did it do me? None at all. I spent the last part of my senior year pushing away the people who genuinely cared. The anger I felt only served to drain me of my energy and make me someone who was truly ugly inside. I only felt better after I acknowledged that I was actually hurt deep inside and confronted the person who I felt was mostly responsible for my wounds. At that point their response didn't even matter. It just felt better to know that I was being honest with them and with myself.
Recently I was talking with a friend who had been hurt in a relationship. When it happened her friends urged her to be angry, because "it's easier than being hurt". Fortunately she understood that, although it's easier perhaps in the short term to be frustrated and ignore the underlying issue, it's healthier to face your true feelings and address them. Ephesians 4:25-27 speaks on this, saying, "Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold."
When anger is in your heart, so many other things can follow. Whether or not you physically harm someone, you are more likely to harm them emotionally with words. Anger makes you reckless. It blocks compassion and reason. Why spend your energy on resentment when you could be showing love? Many people don't even realize how many pleasant things they're missing out on because of the poisonous weed of malice that is suffocating their soul. Untangling yourself form all that rage is a painful task, but I cannot condone anyone missing out on the peace that comes from reconciliation.
Conflict can be difficult, but it is one of our duties as Christians. In one of my classes this semester we went over the Ted Kober's model for conflict resolution. I would strongly encourage you to follow the link and read this article. The goal in this approach is to be at peace with those around us by glorifying God and reconciling our differences. It's a pretty long process for a simple disagreement like missing an appointment. But when feelings have been deeply hurt, the conflict is spiraling out of control, and a relationship lies completely broken, I cannot see any better way to resolve the issue besides using Kober's guidelines.
Anger is something we cannot avoid, whether we are the one who is upset or someone else is angry at us. The key to living a peaceful life is to bring up our grievances with those who have caused them, and let go of our anger before it can take a hold.
If I don't write again for a while, I pray that your Christmas is filled with God's abundant blessings. May you feel his peace and pass it on to others.
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