Caution: Recurring theme approaching. I'm about to talk about hope again. Because, dear friends, I need constant guidance and very frequent reminders (and maybe you do too) when it comes to the elusive and terrifying concept of hope. Hope. It sounds beautiful. Completely harmless. Wonderful even. But I'm terrified of it. The deepest core of my sinful being fights against hope as if it were deadly. Fact is, hope has burned me. Some of my darkest and most difficult times in life have been caused by disappointed hopes. I hoped to have an exemplary Senior year, filled with wonderful memories. I hoped to be the star of the high school stage. I hoped to have plenty of time with my grandfather. I hoped for a smooth and easy exit form high school. I hoped for an amazing and promising Freshman year of college. I hoped to make tons of close friends. I hoped that one relationship would be forgotten. I hoped that another would be secure. I hoped to spend my summer with my closest friends, having a blast. You know what? None of it turned out as I'd hoped. So I swore off hoping (which I've done before, and it never works). I told myself that things never work out right if I from hopes and expectations, so there's no point in hoping. Then one morning last week, I woke with the words of a verse on my heart. I didn't know what verse it was, or what the exact words were, but I'd read it before. "Suffering produces perseverance, character, and hope." It was stuck swimming around in my head. I went on with my morning routine, checking email and facebook. One of my friends had posted a scripture reference as their status: Romans 5:1-5. Upon looking it up, I saw these words: "Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." How incredible. The words that I knew but couldn't find were pointed out to me by the most unlikely of sources. But wait, there's more. One of the "sufferings" that was weighing on me had to do with my boyfriend. I texted him and told him to look up the verses when he got the chance. He replied saying that they had been the subject of a Bible Study his OAFC Travel Team did that morning. Amazing miraculous story aside, these are great verses. It sounds like something your parents would say, doesn't it? "Suffering builds character." It's true though! When we go through hard times in our lives, we almost always come out stronger in some way. We learn how to cope. We learn how to live. We place our hope in better things. That, I believe, is the biggest lesson I learned here. I was hoping for some very selfish things, and they will always disappoint. When we hope in God, and hope for his blessings (even if they come through pain, something I talk about more in the post right before this one), he never fails. He gives us his unfailing love, the kind of love that inspires us and is the very best we can hope for. During every night we have the hope of a sunrise, and every day the light comes to chase away the darkness.
It's a fact: I'm a pessimist. Most likely it comes from my logical nature. A long time ago I decided that pessimism is the best option. That way, if things go wrong it's exactly as you expected, and if things go right then you're pleasantly surprised. Unfortunately it doesn't always work. As said in one of my favorite movies, Anne of Avonlea, "I can't help myself from rising up on the wings of anticipation. It's as glorious as flying through a sunset. Almost apace for the thud." Basically: I still get disappointed. Frequently. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says: "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." When I was much younger (living in Jamaica), I remember going to a missionary retreat where they taught us verse 17, "pray continually". However, until this last week, I hadn't really looked at the rest of the sentence. And it's very important. First, be joyful always. As the title says, always is a lot. Especially for a pessimist like me. But why shouldn't we have continual joy? Christ died for us. We have so much to look forward to. As it says in one of my very most favorite verses, "in all things God works for the good of those who love him" (Romans 8:28). We should rejoice, because we have a God who is constantly working to bring good out of our lives. I'm not saying it's easy. Things still happen that get us down. At the time, when we're going through our rough patches, it's nearly impossible to perk up and say, "I'm sure someday I'll see how this is actually a good thing!" But what an incredible comfort to know that someday we will have joy again, and we can look back and see the benefits of our sorrows. That's were the second (or third, actually) command enters. Give thanks in all circumstances. "All" is kinda like "always". It's a major word. How can we give thanks about everything? Again, it's not easy, but it is possible. Give thanks for the lessons learned. Give thanks for what didn't happen. For example, something pretty scary happened to me this last week at OAFC. It was a freak incident, but it still shook me pretty hard. For a while I was angry. I wondered, "Why did this happen to me?" But the more I've thought about it, the more I've found ways to give thanks. I'm well established enough in OAFC to not be scared away by one bad experience, whereas if it had happened to someone younger they may not have come back. I'm mature enough to go to the right people and make sure the situation is dealt with, instead of feeling isolated and unable to talk about it. Through my experience, the leaders have gotten practice in dealing with a major issue, and have developed a better procedure for the future. Does all of this make the memory of the incident less painful? No. But it shows that good can indeed come out of any situation.
I've been thinking of posting this song for a long time, but was waiting for the right words to go along with it. I think it fits here perfectly, so enjoy.
This past week I've been at Summer Training for OAFC, where the theme was "Stand firm in Christ". It seems a bit predictable that I'd come home and write in my blog about it, but oh well. I'll also be writing soon about other scriptural revelations that happened during the week, but I figured I'd start with the theme. The inspiration for it comes from 2 Corinthians, which says in verses 20-22, "For no matter how many promises God has made, they are 'Yes' in Christ. And so through him the 'Amen' is spoken by us to the glory of God. Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come." This is a pretty loaded set of verses, but they all go together so nicely that I couldn't bear to leave any out. First we can take comfort from verse 20. Christ made it possible from every promise of God to be fulfilled. We have the full inheritance of heaven and a full measure of grace through his sacrifice for us. And because of that, we can be sure enough to speak a resounding "Amen" and be immovable in our faith. That's the hard part. All of us, at some point, have doubted our faith. Sometimes it just seems hard to believe. Could there really be such a God? Other times it's not convenient to have faith. Maybe our friends, family, or coworkers are judging us. Maybe there's something we want to do with our time that seems more important that going to church or studying the Bible. (I'm very guilty of this. In a perfect world I should be posting verses every day. As it is I may post every two weeks.) Whatever our hindrances, it's a difficult task in this world to consistently and boldly stand firm in our faith. Even though it's difficult, and even though we fail sometimes, it is possible to be immovable through Christ. God has marked us as his own by the blood of Christ. He gives us his Spirit to guide our daily lives and aid us in our spiritual battles. The evil forces of this world are strong and cunning. Countless times a day I find myself sinning by actions and thoughts and wondering how or why I started. That wondering though - that conscience - is God's Spirit. It leads us to repentance and protects us against further evil. As the verse says, it's a guarantee of our lives to come, when there is no evil and no temptation. It reminds me of Romans 8:18, "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." Life is hard. Parts of this last week were very hard. But in the end, if we are immovable in our faith, we have an incomparable glory waiting for us that will make it all seem like a bad dream.
That's right friends. The title of this post is Trouble. (Note the capital T, it rhymes with P, which stands for pool, which is not actually my trouble. Anyway.) I've chosen that title because it is once again a really terrible hour of the night and I am writing in my blog because I can't sleep due to some trouble. And like all other troubles, the source of this trouble can be traced to sin of some kind. And that sin is (not surprisingly to those of you who have read other posts) jealousy and anger. What is it about me that can't just live my own life and let other people live theirs? It gets to the point where I get so ticked off and envious about little stuff that I feel sick and lose sleep. One person, or event, or situation is so bothersome to me that I turn it over a million times in my brain until it consumes me and I end up walking around in a moody depressive funk. Why can't I just say, "Oh, it doesn't matter, let them do what makes them happy," and leave it at that? But no, I have to take offense because of my fragile self-confidence and hold grudges. So I'm stuck here worried to death about this next week. You know what's so ironic about that? I'm going to Summer Training for OAFC. The entire purpose of my week should be to witness to others about Christ and to worship him. Yet I'm laying here worrying about how I'll deal with certain people, and whether or not I'll have a good time, and how hot the weather will be, and how I'll deal with certain people (that one is recurring).
"Call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me." Psalm 50:15 My mom asked me today if I had prayed about the situation. I realised that I hadn't. Sometimes I feel bad about talking to God when I'm having trouble. It feels like whining. But that's what he tells us to do. Unfortunately, sometimes I also just forget to call on God when I'm having trouble. Fortunately though, God doesn't just "cook to order". He says in Isaiah 65:24, "Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear." What a relief. God isn't as forgetful as we humans are. Even when we fail to remember to call on him, he doesn't neglect to take care of us. He answers the prayers that we don't even say, and hears the ones that we do. Not to be overly casual, but the only word I can apply to that fact is "awesome". It truly deserves awe.
