Considering how frequently I was posting for a while, I've been quite absent. Oh well, the point was not regularity, but meaningfulness. Interestingly enough, I wasn't posting (or even drawing out Spiritual Vitamins, or doing my Bible homework) because I was stressed. I've always had that problem. The times when I'm most harried and could use some comfort are the times when I forget God. But, today I drew out a vitamin, and was abruptly reminded that I'm silly. The verse is Romans 5:3-4, "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."
I love this verse. So often we pray that God will just take away our suffering. But what good would that do? What would life be like without problems? Boring. Utterly boring. Now, I'm not saying that I love it when my Bioethics professor assigns an exam with 5 essay questions right before our final or when the laundry room is closed and I have no clean pants, but reading this verse reminds me that good can come out of any situation. This crazy, lonely, frustrating semester is preparing me for even more crazy, lonely, and frustrating semesters. Sometimes when I look at it that way I think, "Wow, that seems so hopeless. This is never going to end." But the verse reminds us that going through hardship builds character, which helps us be prepared for what lies ahead. And that gives me the hope that the next time everything seems overwhelming, I'll know how to deal with it better, and it won't be so bad. Hope is a difficult thing for me. I've always been the pessimist who hated hope. "What's the point?" I thought. "If your hopes come true, then it's just what you expected, and if they don't, you're disappointed." But I need to remember that hope is a gift from God. It's one of those wonderful things that he gives us to remind us that life is worth living, and to point to our life with him that will be more amazing than we can imagine right now. I'll leave you with one more thought from the Bible:
"Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:12-13
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
"Oh God, let the world have peace."
The title is a quote from the song "Have Love" by Lost and Found, which I unfortunately could not find on Youtube to share with you. Here's a bit more though: "Stay the fist clenched hand / Help us understand."
Peace has been on my mind lately, in two different ways. First, this morning I was thinking about peace as in the lack of fighting. That application matches my quote a little better. It started as I was thinking about my bioethics class. It's a really interesting class that has helped me gain the information I need to form educated opinions about several major issues. Sometimes I get a little frustrated, because I'm at a Lutheran university and my professor (who is a bit of a stand in for the usual teacher of this particular class) doesn't always tackle the issues from a very Christian point of view. However, I'm thankful that the environment of the class is very open and understanding. Very rarely do we have conflicts during our discussions. Even when discussing heated topics such as abortion, we talk through the different facets of the issue while still recognizing that everyone has a slightly different standpoint. Very non-hostile. I like it.
The second kind of peace I've been thinking about lately goes with this verse: "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your mind in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7 Sometimes God gives us a mental peace - a sense of calm - that we simply can't understand. Sometimes it comes out of nowhere. Sometimes it comes through someone else. That happened to me this morning. I've been so exhausted and stressed out lately that I feel like I can't relax. But on my way to get something from the coffeeshop on campus I met my favorite professor and had a talk with him. Instead of blowing past me, he asked how I was, and didn't just take "Fine" for an answer. He actually cared about my troubles and told me that he knew I would be fine. This professor is really into students' eyes and facial expressions, and I never really got it until today. He explained that he really believes that the eyes are the window to the soul, and that when he looks at my eyes he sees intelligence, understanding, creativity, and drive. I left that conversation with a feeling of real peace that I haven't felt in a while. I guess it's true, God uses unexpected events and people to show us his love and give us his peace.
Peace has been on my mind lately, in two different ways. First, this morning I was thinking about peace as in the lack of fighting. That application matches my quote a little better. It started as I was thinking about my bioethics class. It's a really interesting class that has helped me gain the information I need to form educated opinions about several major issues. Sometimes I get a little frustrated, because I'm at a Lutheran university and my professor (who is a bit of a stand in for the usual teacher of this particular class) doesn't always tackle the issues from a very Christian point of view. However, I'm thankful that the environment of the class is very open and understanding. Very rarely do we have conflicts during our discussions. Even when discussing heated topics such as abortion, we talk through the different facets of the issue while still recognizing that everyone has a slightly different standpoint. Very non-hostile. I like it.
The second kind of peace I've been thinking about lately goes with this verse: "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your mind in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7 Sometimes God gives us a mental peace - a sense of calm - that we simply can't understand. Sometimes it comes out of nowhere. Sometimes it comes through someone else. That happened to me this morning. I've been so exhausted and stressed out lately that I feel like I can't relax. But on my way to get something from the coffeeshop on campus I met my favorite professor and had a talk with him. Instead of blowing past me, he asked how I was, and didn't just take "Fine" for an answer. He actually cared about my troubles and told me that he knew I would be fine. This professor is really into students' eyes and facial expressions, and I never really got it until today. He explained that he really believes that the eyes are the window to the soul, and that when he looks at my eyes he sees intelligence, understanding, creativity, and drive. I left that conversation with a feeling of real peace that I haven't felt in a while. I guess it's true, God uses unexpected events and people to show us his love and give us his peace.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Why be good?
"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10
At the end of last year and the beginning of this year, I went to an OAFC gathering. We always have the New Years gathering, it's always a lot of fun, I always make some mistakes, and there is always a theme verse. Yeah, that was an interesting list. Just so you don't spend the rest of this post with a little voice in your head going "I wonder what mistakes she makes?", I'll just say that we never get enough sleep at NYG which means I'm overtired and emotionally unbalanced which leads to me freaking out on somebody. "Freaking out on" in this year's case meaning sternly toned and over-zealous reprimanding and a couple insults.
Anyway, the reason I'm ranting about my New Years activities is that this year's theme verse was the one above. We spent the gathering mostly meditating on the first few words, talking about how special we are in God's eyes and how he has a plan for all of us.
Right now though, I'd like to look at the last portion of the verse. We were created for good works, and we are equipped to do them. Sometimes people think that good works are actually what gets you into heaven. That's not what I believe. If good works get me into heaven, then Jesus' sacrifice on the cross is either A) pointless, or B) not good enough. Both options are insulting. When I do good works with my Christianity in mind, it's because I'm thankful for Christ's sacrifice and I want to follow his commands. Like a thank you card. It's not worth hardly anything, but it means you acknowledge that a gift (in this case a priceless one) has been given and you truly appreciate it. It's also good do good works as a witness. The world today has a lot of stereotypes about Christians, one of which is that they're goody goodies. Now, I know that I'm not perfect, and I'm not always upright and good and all that stuff. But that is one of few stereotypes that I like to fill as best I can. I want people to know that Christians are loving. That we're different. And I want people to feel the benefits of whatever good I do and ask me why I do it. Best case scenario: they think "I want to be that [happy, loving, nice, etc.] too" and allow an opportunity for the Holy Spirit to do his awesome work.
Like I said, I know that I fail. But I try as best I can to set myself apart to glorify God and make people wonder: Why?
At the end of last year and the beginning of this year, I went to an OAFC gathering. We always have the New Years gathering, it's always a lot of fun, I always make some mistakes, and there is always a theme verse. Yeah, that was an interesting list. Just so you don't spend the rest of this post with a little voice in your head going "I wonder what mistakes she makes?", I'll just say that we never get enough sleep at NYG which means I'm overtired and emotionally unbalanced which leads to me freaking out on somebody. "Freaking out on" in this year's case meaning sternly toned and over-zealous reprimanding and a couple insults.
Anyway, the reason I'm ranting about my New Years activities is that this year's theme verse was the one above. We spent the gathering mostly meditating on the first few words, talking about how special we are in God's eyes and how he has a plan for all of us.
Right now though, I'd like to look at the last portion of the verse. We were created for good works, and we are equipped to do them. Sometimes people think that good works are actually what gets you into heaven. That's not what I believe. If good works get me into heaven, then Jesus' sacrifice on the cross is either A) pointless, or B) not good enough. Both options are insulting. When I do good works with my Christianity in mind, it's because I'm thankful for Christ's sacrifice and I want to follow his commands. Like a thank you card. It's not worth hardly anything, but it means you acknowledge that a gift (in this case a priceless one) has been given and you truly appreciate it. It's also good do good works as a witness. The world today has a lot of stereotypes about Christians, one of which is that they're goody goodies. Now, I know that I'm not perfect, and I'm not always upright and good and all that stuff. But that is one of few stereotypes that I like to fill as best I can. I want people to know that Christians are loving. That we're different. And I want people to feel the benefits of whatever good I do and ask me why I do it. Best case scenario: they think "I want to be that [happy, loving, nice, etc.] too" and allow an opportunity for the Holy Spirit to do his awesome work.
Like I said, I know that I fail. But I try as best I can to set myself apart to glorify God and make people wonder: Why?
Thursday, April 14, 2011
1 Timothy 1:15
The verse in the title says this: "Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners - of whom I am the worst."
Wow. Doesn't that hit home. I think everyone at some point in their lives has thought, "Gosh, I'm the worst." Everyone has those times when they just feel like they're the scum of the earth. A jerk. Selfish. Believe me, I have those moments a lot. Especially when I get angry over really idiotic things. Yesterday I got breaking-out-in-hives angry because my boyfriend was putting off having me meet his extended family. The best part? It was mixed with arrogance. I was mad because I suggested to my family that we move our Easter get together to Saturday so that he could come. So when he told me that he didn't want me to come up to be with his family on Sunday... Man, was I angry. There I was making it easy for him to meet my family, and he wouldn't even let me go out of my way to meet his. (For the record, it ended up that his family isn't even getting together, so it was all pointless anyway.)
This sounds odd, but sometimes sinning "against your brother" is an easier situation. You can talk through it and hear the other person say "I forgive you." What's really hard is when you simply sin against God. Whatever you're doing doesn't affect anyone else, it's just sinful in and of itself. It's hard to really believe that God forgives you. There's never a booming voice from heaven that declares, "My child, you are forgiven, and your sins are no more." The closest thing is maybe the words of absolution from a pastor speaking by the authority of God. But you know, the Bible is the Word of God. He, through the pen of the author, is saying to you that you are forgiven. The first words of the verse are beautiful. The promise is the truth, and you can trust it. Even when you feel like you're the worst and that you don't deserve anything, Christ's blood was shed freely for you. He was the best so that you can be the worst.
Accept it with joy.
Wow. Doesn't that hit home. I think everyone at some point in their lives has thought, "Gosh, I'm the worst." Everyone has those times when they just feel like they're the scum of the earth. A jerk. Selfish. Believe me, I have those moments a lot. Especially when I get angry over really idiotic things. Yesterday I got breaking-out-in-hives angry because my boyfriend was putting off having me meet his extended family. The best part? It was mixed with arrogance. I was mad because I suggested to my family that we move our Easter get together to Saturday so that he could come. So when he told me that he didn't want me to come up to be with his family on Sunday... Man, was I angry. There I was making it easy for him to meet my family, and he wouldn't even let me go out of my way to meet his. (For the record, it ended up that his family isn't even getting together, so it was all pointless anyway.)
This sounds odd, but sometimes sinning "against your brother" is an easier situation. You can talk through it and hear the other person say "I forgive you." What's really hard is when you simply sin against God. Whatever you're doing doesn't affect anyone else, it's just sinful in and of itself. It's hard to really believe that God forgives you. There's never a booming voice from heaven that declares, "My child, you are forgiven, and your sins are no more." The closest thing is maybe the words of absolution from a pastor speaking by the authority of God. But you know, the Bible is the Word of God. He, through the pen of the author, is saying to you that you are forgiven. The first words of the verse are beautiful. The promise is the truth, and you can trust it. Even when you feel like you're the worst and that you don't deserve anything, Christ's blood was shed freely for you. He was the best so that you can be the worst.
Accept it with joy.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Proverbs
Who doesn't love a good Proverb? They range from profound to funny and in between. Tonight I thought I'd share some of the verses in Proverbs highlighted in my Bible (this would be really long if I put all of them). Kind of in a fast and furious type style, one after the other, with only a few extra thoughts. The great thing about Proverbs is that most are pretty self explanatory, and you can apply it to your own life without me telling you how =)
Personifying wisdom: "Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace." (3:17)
"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom...For through me your days will be many, and years will be added to your life." (9:10-11)
"Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers all wrongs." (10:12) Maybe my favorite of all. Life would be so much easier if we could all live this way.
"When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise." (10:19)
"Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid." (12:1)
"An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up." (12:25)Again, life would be happier if we kept this in mind. Translation: don't worry, and remind your friends to do the same.
"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." (15:1)
Obviously there is a lot of the book I still need to read through and think on, but I'll leave you with these favorites from the first 15 chapters.
Personifying wisdom: "Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace." (3:17)
"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom...For through me your days will be many, and years will be added to your life." (9:10-11)
"Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers all wrongs." (10:12) Maybe my favorite of all. Life would be so much easier if we could all live this way.
"When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise." (10:19)
"Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid." (12:1)
"An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up." (12:25)Again, life would be happier if we kept this in mind. Translation: don't worry, and remind your friends to do the same.
"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." (15:1)
Obviously there is a lot of the book I still need to read through and think on, but I'll leave you with these favorites from the first 15 chapters.
Brief but interesting thoughts
"The Lord is with you when you are with Him. If you seek Him, He will be found by you, but if you forsake Him, He will forsake you." 2 Chronicles 15:2
(First, let me apologise for any incorrect references or changes in wording or verses that are only half complete that appear here in my blog. Many verses are coming from my Spiritual Vitamin jar, and I'm discovering that it has a lot of all three of those mishaps.)
This verse is one in which it is important to keep context in mind. 1 and 2 Chronicles are in the Old Testament, and are a sort of compiled history of the life of the Israelites. Basically God is using a prophet to remind Israel that their troubles are, in a way, their own fault. They turned to false gods and yet still expected protection from their own true God.
With that understanding, it's a little easier to talk about this verse. It's not saying that unless you spend the day praying and seeking God that your whole life will go wrong. It's not saying that if you do that you'll have everything you want. I look at it as an explanation for some of the bad things that happen in the world. As a whole, the population of the world has forsaken God. Actually, let's just look at America. Even here we have forsaken God. He is all over our money (which is ironic, because some people "worship money") and we hear about him all the time, but I'd say (not statistically) that not even half of the population really seeks God. Lots of people go to church, but lots of people do it because they think they should. They think that the motions of church make up for the sins of the rest of the week. Now, don't get me wrong, if people are worshiping as they should then church does make up for everything we do wrong when it has a time for Confession and Absolution. But how many of us, when the Pastor allows a time for silence to reflect on our sins, are thinking "I'm hungry, what am I going to have for lunch? Oh, yeah, reflection. Um God? That probably wasn't good when I lied yesterday. But man did it save me some trouble..." The good news is that God is always merciful. Even when we can't think of all of our sins or when we've forsaken him for a while, he never says "That's enough, I'm done with you." He always offers grace to those that ask for it sincerely, no matter the price. His son Jesus paid every price on the cross, once for all, so that we will never be truly forsaken.
(First, let me apologise for any incorrect references or changes in wording or verses that are only half complete that appear here in my blog. Many verses are coming from my Spiritual Vitamin jar, and I'm discovering that it has a lot of all three of those mishaps.)
This verse is one in which it is important to keep context in mind. 1 and 2 Chronicles are in the Old Testament, and are a sort of compiled history of the life of the Israelites. Basically God is using a prophet to remind Israel that their troubles are, in a way, their own fault. They turned to false gods and yet still expected protection from their own true God.
With that understanding, it's a little easier to talk about this verse. It's not saying that unless you spend the day praying and seeking God that your whole life will go wrong. It's not saying that if you do that you'll have everything you want. I look at it as an explanation for some of the bad things that happen in the world. As a whole, the population of the world has forsaken God. Actually, let's just look at America. Even here we have forsaken God. He is all over our money (which is ironic, because some people "worship money") and we hear about him all the time, but I'd say (not statistically) that not even half of the population really seeks God. Lots of people go to church, but lots of people do it because they think they should. They think that the motions of church make up for the sins of the rest of the week. Now, don't get me wrong, if people are worshiping as they should then church does make up for everything we do wrong when it has a time for Confession and Absolution. But how many of us, when the Pastor allows a time for silence to reflect on our sins, are thinking "I'm hungry, what am I going to have for lunch? Oh, yeah, reflection. Um God? That probably wasn't good when I lied yesterday. But man did it save me some trouble..." The good news is that God is always merciful. Even when we can't think of all of our sins or when we've forsaken him for a while, he never says "That's enough, I'm done with you." He always offers grace to those that ask for it sincerely, no matter the price. His son Jesus paid every price on the cross, once for all, so that we will never be truly forsaken.
Monday, April 11, 2011
A favorite of mine
Wow has it been a long weekend. But once again, I've been blessed richly. Here I was thinking that I would have to make it 3 weeks before seeing my boyfriend, and God drops an opportunity right in my lap to go see him this weekend. Really, from Wednesday afternoon through Sunday afternoon, I've had incredible things happen. Suddenly all my classes on Friday got cancelled, allowing me to leave Thursday night and spend Friday with the man. Then I could also go to an OAFC weekend (a wonderful group that trains youth and adults to witness their faith and gives them the opportunity to do so), which I thought I wasn't going to do until May. Just to top the whole experience, a miracle occurred and I was assigned to the perfect dorm room. Seriously, I had been praying about this, and I could not have asked for anything better. No more worries about needing my own space (this suite has four individual bedrooms). I'm being taken from what is possibly the worst room on campus to one of the best. It's amazing. And here I was worrying about all this stuff.
The situation reminds me of a verse that is one of my favorites, Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight."
Sometimes when I pray, it honestly feels less like giving my problems to God and more like lending them. I mean yes, there are some situations where prayer must be supplemented by human actions, such as in the case of housing assignments. I can pray all day to be assigned to the best room, but I still have to make sure I turn in my paperwork as early as possible and show up for room selection on time. But it seems like with mental or emotional issues (I was struggling with one of these this weekend, some worry about an emotional situation I cannot change) I have trouble just letting it go. As I noted, there is no way I can help or change the situation, and I'm praying that God would simply give me peace and guide my actions. Yet even though I've supposedly given God control and asked him to "make my paths straight", as soon as the problem arises again or I'm reminded of the issue, I take it all back and try to work it out myself. It never does any good, and I need to stop. It's circular, but I guess I need to pray for the strength to trust God with my prayers. With all of my heart.
On Saturday night the group had a devotion centered around another great verse. In John 16:33 Jesus says, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
Christ died and then rose to overcome the powers that seem to overwhelm me sometimes. Even when the world (including the world of my own mind) gives me trouble, I can be at peace knowing that God has ultimate control, and is guiding every step of my life.
The situation reminds me of a verse that is one of my favorites, Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight."
Sometimes when I pray, it honestly feels less like giving my problems to God and more like lending them. I mean yes, there are some situations where prayer must be supplemented by human actions, such as in the case of housing assignments. I can pray all day to be assigned to the best room, but I still have to make sure I turn in my paperwork as early as possible and show up for room selection on time. But it seems like with mental or emotional issues (I was struggling with one of these this weekend, some worry about an emotional situation I cannot change) I have trouble just letting it go. As I noted, there is no way I can help or change the situation, and I'm praying that God would simply give me peace and guide my actions. Yet even though I've supposedly given God control and asked him to "make my paths straight", as soon as the problem arises again or I'm reminded of the issue, I take it all back and try to work it out myself. It never does any good, and I need to stop. It's circular, but I guess I need to pray for the strength to trust God with my prayers. With all of my heart.
On Saturday night the group had a devotion centered around another great verse. In John 16:33 Jesus says, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
Christ died and then rose to overcome the powers that seem to overwhelm me sometimes. Even when the world (including the world of my own mind) gives me trouble, I can be at peace knowing that God has ultimate control, and is guiding every step of my life.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
What a gift
I'm so incredibly happy that God gave us music. Singing is such a joy to me, and so is listening to music, especially instrumental pieces such as these. This song came up on one of my Pandora radio stations and I thought I'd share! The sound quality isn't the very best in some places, but it's still beautiful.
A verse to accompany this: "You are my hiding place; You will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance" Psalm 32:7
Hebrews 4:16
"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."
I'm not sure I've ever read the whole book of Hebrews, but maybe that should be a project, because this is the second verse I've really liked that came from there. I don't have huge grand thoughts about this, although it does tie in with the thinking I've been doing lately about Martin Luther. My history class reading for this week included the Reformation, and that inspired me to go to our library and check out the movie "Luther", which I will watch later today. I'm thinking this was a verse that Luther really liked. In his time the Catholic church was really into telling Christians that they were worthless sinners and had to do some major penance, and he didn't agree. God tells us in his New Testament that Jesus paid for our sins - no strings attached and no extra work necessary. When we sin we can ask God for forgiveness with confidence, knowing that he will always be merciful and gracious!
As a final thought, the wording of the verse made me curious as to what the previous verse said, so I looked it up. Hebrews 4:15 reads "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet was without sin." That, dear friends, is awesome. Not only does God forgive us, but he also understands the temptation that we go through and offers us the benefits of his perfect resistance to that temptation. What a blessing.
I'm not sure I've ever read the whole book of Hebrews, but maybe that should be a project, because this is the second verse I've really liked that came from there. I don't have huge grand thoughts about this, although it does tie in with the thinking I've been doing lately about Martin Luther. My history class reading for this week included the Reformation, and that inspired me to go to our library and check out the movie "Luther", which I will watch later today. I'm thinking this was a verse that Luther really liked. In his time the Catholic church was really into telling Christians that they were worthless sinners and had to do some major penance, and he didn't agree. God tells us in his New Testament that Jesus paid for our sins - no strings attached and no extra work necessary. When we sin we can ask God for forgiveness with confidence, knowing that he will always be merciful and gracious!
As a final thought, the wording of the verse made me curious as to what the previous verse said, so I looked it up. Hebrews 4:15 reads "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet was without sin." That, dear friends, is awesome. Not only does God forgive us, but he also understands the temptation that we go through and offers us the benefits of his perfect resistance to that temptation. What a blessing.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Perseverance and Grace
Today I have two thoughts! You guessed it - one on perseverance and one on God's amazing grace.
First, the other day I pulled James 1:4 from my jar, "Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." This verse came out when I was struggling with how long my life seems at the moment. Right now there are two different important things that are going to take a lot of time before I see results. First, my college degrees. I'm pretty set on becoming a Physical Therapist, so I'm getting a 4-year Biomedical Sciences degree and then continuing another 3 years in grad school to get a Doctor of Physical Therapy degree. When I'm just almost done with my freshman year, that's a fairly daunting idea. Sometimes I say that I wish I could just inject all the knowledge into my brain and start working now, but as the verse says, I must persevere.
Another thing that's going to take time to culminate is my relationship. A lot of people (it seems like I've been talking about this a lot lately) are surprised when they hear that my boyfriend and I discuss our future fairly often. We recognize that we're each other's best friend, and neither of us can really imagine anyone better to spend our lives with. So yes, we've talked about marriage and a possible timeframe for that. The soonest we could logically consider that course of action would be 3 or 4 years from now, when I at least have a degree and he's almost finished his. Sometimes I say "Psh, with him that's not that long." But temptation is difficult and sometimes we both wish we could have a bit of a closer goal. But yeah, then that verse came out of my jar. The phrase "mature and complete, not lacking anything" really struck me. God is having us wait so that we will both be complete and ready to start a life together.This is all under the belief that it is God's will for us to end up together.
My second meditation of sorts is on Isaiah 9:6-7 and 53:2-12, and comes from a discussion we had in my favorite class, "The Bible". My professor is really great, first of all, and comes up with some really neat connections. Today he first asked us to look at the section in chapter 9. (This thought is very appropriate for the season of Lent, by the way) There Jesus is foretold as a mighty ruler who will come in glory and fix the world, with such lovely language as "Wonderful Counselor", "Prince of Peace" and "Of the increase of his government and peace there will be no end." This is the image of Jesus that we sometimes like to focus on. But chapter 53 paints a rather different picture, and is really wonderful to think about if you think about it right. Here are some of my favorite verses from the section: from verses 2 "He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him." and verses 5 and 6 "But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all." Even though we like to envision the Christ as mighty and great, in truth he was simple and rejected by the world. He died a gruesome death on a cross, the death reserved for the worst of criminals. He not only covered our sins with his sacrifice, but also became the scapegoat and carried them completely away. Here's a beautiful thought that my prof pointed out: When he descended into hell, defeated the devil, and rose again, he could have come back as a victor with a perfect and flawless body. But, as we see in the Gospels with the story of Doubting Thomas, he chose to keep the wounds by which we are healed, as proof and reminder that we are paid for. So although it seems like a contradiction of his glorious image, I think the gruesome sacrifice and the resulting scars are absolutely beautiful.
First, the other day I pulled James 1:4 from my jar, "Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." This verse came out when I was struggling with how long my life seems at the moment. Right now there are two different important things that are going to take a lot of time before I see results. First, my college degrees. I'm pretty set on becoming a Physical Therapist, so I'm getting a 4-year Biomedical Sciences degree and then continuing another 3 years in grad school to get a Doctor of Physical Therapy degree. When I'm just almost done with my freshman year, that's a fairly daunting idea. Sometimes I say that I wish I could just inject all the knowledge into my brain and start working now, but as the verse says, I must persevere.
Another thing that's going to take time to culminate is my relationship. A lot of people (it seems like I've been talking about this a lot lately) are surprised when they hear that my boyfriend and I discuss our future fairly often. We recognize that we're each other's best friend, and neither of us can really imagine anyone better to spend our lives with. So yes, we've talked about marriage and a possible timeframe for that. The soonest we could logically consider that course of action would be 3 or 4 years from now, when I at least have a degree and he's almost finished his. Sometimes I say "Psh, with him that's not that long." But temptation is difficult and sometimes we both wish we could have a bit of a closer goal. But yeah, then that verse came out of my jar. The phrase "mature and complete, not lacking anything" really struck me. God is having us wait so that we will both be complete and ready to start a life together.This is all under the belief that it is God's will for us to end up together.
My second meditation of sorts is on Isaiah 9:6-7 and 53:2-12, and comes from a discussion we had in my favorite class, "The Bible". My professor is really great, first of all, and comes up with some really neat connections. Today he first asked us to look at the section in chapter 9. (This thought is very appropriate for the season of Lent, by the way) There Jesus is foretold as a mighty ruler who will come in glory and fix the world, with such lovely language as "Wonderful Counselor", "Prince of Peace" and "Of the increase of his government and peace there will be no end." This is the image of Jesus that we sometimes like to focus on. But chapter 53 paints a rather different picture, and is really wonderful to think about if you think about it right. Here are some of my favorite verses from the section: from verses 2 "He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him." and verses 5 and 6 "But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all." Even though we like to envision the Christ as mighty and great, in truth he was simple and rejected by the world. He died a gruesome death on a cross, the death reserved for the worst of criminals. He not only covered our sins with his sacrifice, but also became the scapegoat and carried them completely away. Here's a beautiful thought that my prof pointed out: When he descended into hell, defeated the devil, and rose again, he could have come back as a victor with a perfect and flawless body. But, as we see in the Gospels with the story of Doubting Thomas, he chose to keep the wounds by which we are healed, as proof and reminder that we are paid for. So although it seems like a contradiction of his glorious image, I think the gruesome sacrifice and the resulting scars are absolutely beautiful.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Green
This morning I don't really have a verse yet. But I'm struggling with a recurrent sin, the ugly green glow of jealousy. Jealousy is a funny thing. In my life there are two kinds: sad and angry.
Sad jealousy is the kind I feel when I see other people walking around with groups of friends or eating and laughing in the cafeteria. It's also what I feel when I come back to an empty room and know that my roommate is hanging out with people, which is something I never do.
Angry jealousy is what I usually feel in the subject of romantic relationships, and it's more blatantly sinful (because I'm angry at how my life turned out, and therefore angry at God). This is what I feel when I'm 250 miles away from the person I love, and yet I see couples here that live in the same building. Angry jealousy is also what I feel when I think too hard about my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend. And that is the feeling and thought process that kept me awake last night. I'm jealous of the time she had with him that I can never claim; the part of his life that I wasn't there for and she was. I'm angry that while I'm giving him my first of everything (I've never been in a relationship before), I'll always have to share the list of people he's loved with her. I'm angry that for the time being I haven't been with him for as long as she was. That anger covers up the small hidden and illogical fear that when we get to that point, we won't make it either. I'm angry that she took so long to get over him, and that it's put me in a very awkward place where no matter how much evidence i now have that she's over it, I'll never really trust her. I'm jealous that she's so well liked by his whole family, and I've only ever met his immediate family and we're not extremely close.
It's so nonsensical and terrible, because I know that God has a plan and I should focus on the events of right now and just be the best girlfriend I can be. Just sometimes at night when I'm overtired and she somehow comes up on facebook or in the phone conversation between he and I, it brings back memories and unbidden thoughts and I start to wonder about the nature and details of their relationship. Sometimes I'm even terrible enough to ask him about things, which is not nice, because he probably doesn't want to think about it that much. Last night I think the jealousy was particularly bad because, when I asked a question about something specific in their time together, instead of his usual "I don't remember well" he explained that he sometimes leaves out details or words it carefully so as to not worry me. Of course that made me worry more, because I want to know what he's thinking that he's not telling me because it's worrisome.
I apologize, this is becoming too much like a personal rant. Honestly it's just me trying to sort through my own thoughts, and it's kindof like a confession.
That actually does remind me of a Bible verse I can bring into this mess: "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9
It's wonderful to know that in the midst of all this guilt and worry I can confess it to God and he will both forgive me and help me to not fall into it again.
Sad jealousy is the kind I feel when I see other people walking around with groups of friends or eating and laughing in the cafeteria. It's also what I feel when I come back to an empty room and know that my roommate is hanging out with people, which is something I never do.
Angry jealousy is what I usually feel in the subject of romantic relationships, and it's more blatantly sinful (because I'm angry at how my life turned out, and therefore angry at God). This is what I feel when I'm 250 miles away from the person I love, and yet I see couples here that live in the same building. Angry jealousy is also what I feel when I think too hard about my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend. And that is the feeling and thought process that kept me awake last night. I'm jealous of the time she had with him that I can never claim; the part of his life that I wasn't there for and she was. I'm angry that while I'm giving him my first of everything (I've never been in a relationship before), I'll always have to share the list of people he's loved with her. I'm angry that for the time being I haven't been with him for as long as she was. That anger covers up the small hidden and illogical fear that when we get to that point, we won't make it either. I'm angry that she took so long to get over him, and that it's put me in a very awkward place where no matter how much evidence i now have that she's over it, I'll never really trust her. I'm jealous that she's so well liked by his whole family, and I've only ever met his immediate family and we're not extremely close.
It's so nonsensical and terrible, because I know that God has a plan and I should focus on the events of right now and just be the best girlfriend I can be. Just sometimes at night when I'm overtired and she somehow comes up on facebook or in the phone conversation between he and I, it brings back memories and unbidden thoughts and I start to wonder about the nature and details of their relationship. Sometimes I'm even terrible enough to ask him about things, which is not nice, because he probably doesn't want to think about it that much. Last night I think the jealousy was particularly bad because, when I asked a question about something specific in their time together, instead of his usual "I don't remember well" he explained that he sometimes leaves out details or words it carefully so as to not worry me. Of course that made me worry more, because I want to know what he's thinking that he's not telling me because it's worrisome.
I apologize, this is becoming too much like a personal rant. Honestly it's just me trying to sort through my own thoughts, and it's kindof like a confession.
That actually does remind me of a Bible verse I can bring into this mess: "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9
It's wonderful to know that in the midst of all this guilt and worry I can confess it to God and he will both forgive me and help me to not fall into it again.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Hebrews 13:5
It's been a great weekend full of blessings! God has given me a wonderful boyfriend who is compatible with me in countless ways. Just reminding myself to look at the bright side, instead of being sad that I had to leave.
So I think for the most part I'm going to try to write whenever I pull a Spiritual Vitamin and have a minute to meditate. Fun fact: when I pull a Vitamin (by the way, to explain, these are slips of paper with Bible verses stuck in a jar) I usually shake the jar until one frees itself and jumps out. I'm hoping that makes it a little more random and improves the chance of me reading what I need to hear most.
Interestingly enough, tonight there were two loose ones that I thought would shake out first and a different orange slip popped out of nowhere. It's Hebrews 13:5 "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."
How can this apply today? It's funny, I was just having a pout today because I don't like for other people to spend money on me, and my boyfriend's parents insisted on covering a tank of gas (which is rising in price) for my long drive. So maybe my stubborn refusal of accepting money from others is wrong. That's a stretch kinda. Let's think harder. It's true, I was daydreaming after that about God somehow providing a large sum of money so I could buy a car with great gas mileage. I already get good mileage, I just want more. So I definitely should be content and trust for God to provide opportunities and funds for visits to my real family and my pseudo family. It's also driven home by the promise to never forsake me. The boyfriend and I have always remarked how it seems like God has had a huge part in our relationship, especially its formation and progression. So even if money is tight or it seems like we can't make it, God will still be there to guide us. What a comfort in my current state, when I'm coming down from my high and feeling the sting of distance.
So I think for the most part I'm going to try to write whenever I pull a Spiritual Vitamin and have a minute to meditate. Fun fact: when I pull a Vitamin (by the way, to explain, these are slips of paper with Bible verses stuck in a jar) I usually shake the jar until one frees itself and jumps out. I'm hoping that makes it a little more random and improves the chance of me reading what I need to hear most.
Interestingly enough, tonight there were two loose ones that I thought would shake out first and a different orange slip popped out of nowhere. It's Hebrews 13:5 "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."
How can this apply today? It's funny, I was just having a pout today because I don't like for other people to spend money on me, and my boyfriend's parents insisted on covering a tank of gas (which is rising in price) for my long drive. So maybe my stubborn refusal of accepting money from others is wrong. That's a stretch kinda. Let's think harder. It's true, I was daydreaming after that about God somehow providing a large sum of money so I could buy a car with great gas mileage. I already get good mileage, I just want more. So I definitely should be content and trust for God to provide opportunities and funds for visits to my real family and my pseudo family. It's also driven home by the promise to never forsake me. The boyfriend and I have always remarked how it seems like God has had a huge part in our relationship, especially its formation and progression. So even if money is tight or it seems like we can't make it, God will still be there to guide us. What a comfort in my current state, when I'm coming down from my high and feeling the sting of distance.
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