Tremulous

Fact: I am full of fear and worry. Fortunately for those around me, I can usually play it cool, but I have periodic breakdowns in which it seems like everything is closing in around me and nothing is ever going to be okay. Then I start yelling or crying or simply go catatonic (if the situation isn't conducive to yelling or crying). Generally the only people that actually get to witness this are my mother or occasionally my boyfriend.
Anyway, the point is that I can feel one of those coming on soon. It's been a rough summer, mentally. Yeah sure, I'm spending most of my days doing things that can't qualify as stressful. But I'm in a constant emotional struggle of worry and fear. The biggest culprits at the moment are my impending move back to college, and my boyfriend's transition to college. Both of these are problematic because they both present some big uncertainties. As for me, I have no idea how this year is going to go. I refuse to be as foolish as I was last year and pretend like I have the power to make it great. For some reason I'm not a "college person". The lifestyle doesn't suit me. So will I find the friendships I crave? Will I get out more? How much harder will my classes be? How can I find out more about my career path and get started preparing? Will I find a job? The list of questions stretches on until it's dizzying. Some of the same questions are things I wonder about my boyfriend. His school is much bigger, his program is more intense, and he has more social obligations. I wonder how he'll take to it. I wonder when I'll see him, what we'll do, and how we'll have time for each other. 
I went searching for comfort, looking up the word "afraid" in my Bible's Concordance. One of the suggestions it had was Psalm 27:1, but when I turned to that Psalm I saw that I had highlighted two verses that are more appropriate comfort for this situation. Verses 13 and 14 say, "I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." 
Often when things are stressful or nothing seems to be going as I want it to, I sit there wishing Jesus would just come and take me now. This world doesn't seem worth it, and I long for the perfect joy of heaven. But God doesn't just reserve all of his joy for heaven. He shows his goodness here on earth as well. It's very important to use the word "seem" in my writing when I'm using absolute statements like "nothing is going the way I want it to". Maybe there are some really big issues that are difficult to handle or even completely out of my control, but God always provides comfort in some way or another. Even now I'm realising that, although right now having a boyfriend is giving me more to worry about, if I didn't have him to be my best friend I'd be so much more upset. Good things happen to those who wait. Even though waiting is the hardest thing to do when you're worried about the future, it's the only thing we can really do. God promises us wonderful things in his own time, both here and in heaven, and gives us hope to strengthen us as we anticipate the time when the worries of the past become the joy of the present.