Before anything I must say how deeply I feel compassion for the families of the people lost in Newtown, CT this morning. All we can really do is pray for comfort and healing. No time is a good time to lose someone you love, but to lose a child at Christmas must be the deepest of pains. May the peace of Christmas fill the hearts of these parents and the families of the adults killed.
Perhaps for some of you your feelings about this tragedy go along with what I was going to write about. Today I wanted to share some thoughts on anger. Everyone experiences anger at some point, probably even every day. Most of the time we feel mild frustration which we can deal with easily. Have you ever been so angry about something that it interferes with your daily life?
This kind of anger has plagued me before. At the end of high school several things in my life didn't go as I expected. Frankly, life was going very poorly. My reaction was to be very angry. For months I let myself wallow in fury. I couldn't see a way out. The truth is that I didn't want to stop. Anger seemed the appropriate response at the time. Suddenly I had been betrayed and cast off by something I thought I could count on, and it only seemed right to be angry. What good did it do me? None at all. I spent the last part of my senior year pushing away the people who genuinely cared. The anger I felt only served to drain me of my energy and make me someone who was truly ugly inside. I only felt better after I acknowledged that I was actually hurt deep inside and confronted the person who I felt was mostly responsible for my wounds. At that point their response didn't even matter. It just felt better to know that I was being honest with them and with myself.
Recently I was talking with a friend who had been hurt in a relationship. When it happened her friends urged her to be angry, because "it's easier than being hurt". Fortunately she understood that, although it's easier perhaps in the short term to be frustrated and ignore the underlying issue, it's healthier to face your true feelings and address them. Ephesians 4:25-27 speaks on this, saying, "Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold."
When anger is in your heart, so many other things can follow. Whether or not you physically harm someone, you are more likely to harm them emotionally with words. Anger makes you reckless. It blocks compassion and reason. Why spend your energy on resentment when you could be showing love? Many people don't even realize how many pleasant things they're missing out on because of the poisonous weed of malice that is suffocating their soul. Untangling yourself form all that rage is a painful task, but I cannot condone anyone missing out on the peace that comes from reconciliation.
Conflict can be difficult, but it is one of our duties as Christians. In one of my classes this semester we went over the Ted Kober's model for conflict resolution. I would strongly encourage you to follow the link and read this article. The goal in this approach is to be at peace with those around us by glorifying God and reconciling our differences. It's a pretty long process for a simple disagreement like missing an appointment. But when feelings have been deeply hurt, the conflict is spiraling out of control, and a relationship lies completely broken, I cannot see any better way to resolve the issue besides using Kober's guidelines.
Anger is something we cannot avoid, whether we are the one who is upset or someone else is angry at us. The key to living a peaceful life is to bring up our grievances with those who have caused them, and let go of our anger before it can take a hold.
If I don't write again for a while, I pray that your Christmas is filled with God's abundant blessings. May you feel his peace and pass it on to others.
It's a good idea, on this day of Thanksgiving, for me to post a list of things I'm thankful for. All through the year God showers us with blessings, and even if it seems like Thanksgiving is deteriorating in America we can still use the opportunity as Christians to offer up a little praise. Is it hard for you sometimes to remember to pray a prayer of thanks? It definitely is for me. But without any more delay, here's my list:
My dad's new job (which prompted the title of this post in Russian). He's back in the mission field working for Lutheran Hour Ministries, and I can tell how happy it makes him, which makes me happy.
The house that my parents found in St. Louis so quickly and easily. It's a nice place to live.
The financial security I've enjoyed.
My job, where I not only earn money but also enjoy myself and get homework done.
My family. We don't really have family drama. Unconditional love and support are always available in ample supply.
Concordia, and the professors who teach there. I also thank God for guiding me to become a Psychology major. It's been a very welcome change.
Music that I can listen to and perform. This has been a huge year for developing my singing, and I can't thank God enough for giving me that talent.
The willpower and support needed to lose 25 pounds.
My friends everywhere. I'm so blessed with the number of people who I enjoy being around and who love and support me no matter what. I'm especially thankful for new friends who remind me why I'm likeable.
Church at Concordia, where I'm richly fed every day. Also, my new church in St. Louis which has been welcoming and full of delight.
The people of Carlinville, who have been so wonderful over the last 9 years. I'm so thankful that I had a close community to grow up in, and such a loving church family to belong to.
Good health for me and my family. The last year has included quite a few scares, but we've always come out okay.
Most importantly, the sacrifice of Jesus that gives me hope and joy every day, knowing that when I die my spirit will live with him forever.
These are only a few things that especially come to mind. If I were to begin to list all the "little things" in life that make me smile I would be able to go on forever. It goes to show how richly we are blessed.
"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever."
Psalm 136:1
Friends, bear with me as I stumble through this. I'm going to be as sensitive as I can, but it's a touchy topic.
People get very defensive about what they believe.
This completely makes sense. Our beliefs (morals, etiquette, politics, faith, etc.) are the deepest and most established parts of our being. We form sets of beliefs based on how we were brought up and the things we've experienced in life. Most of us aren't really comfortable digging very deep into our beings on a daily basis, so things tend to get tense and awkward when stuff like that comes up. That's exactly why we choose friends who are part of the same church that we are, and we share political views with our parents, and we disassociate from people who we think follow the wrong morals or codes of conduct (read: people we think are rude). The more we can avoid conflicts in beliefs, the happier we are.
Hence the issue that arises during "election season". Here is a time when suddenly people think it's normal and okay to declare their beliefs publicly. They're trying to influence people so that in the end the government will (at least partially) follow what they believe. Every once in a while it works, and you say something that makes one of your friends go "Hey, I never thought about it like that", and they change their mind. Most of the time, however, people are pretty set in their opinions. So how do we know who is right? Well, as Christians, I think we can all agree that God is right. The other day I heard someone say that it's not right to base political opinions on God's Word, because it doesn't have to apply to things like social issues. To be blunt - that's ridiculous. Where, if not from God, are you getting the deep beliefs that influence your choices? If we pick and choose where to apply the Word and where to forget it, who gets to draw that line?
1 Peter 2:13-15 says this: "Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do." I cannot presume to say which politician most accurately represents Biblical principles (most of the time I don't think any of them really do). And yeah, there's nothing in scripture that tells us how to balance the national budget (being frugal and using our gifts intelligently is a pretty good idea, but I digress). My main point is this: Never forget that Christians are called to live every second of their lives in faith and holiness. There are no situations when Christian values just don't apply. At the end of the day, when we're looking for answers and refining our beliefs, we should look to God for guidance.
I pray for His blessings on the decisions you face, both in this next week and throughout your lives.
"The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame" - Genesis 2:25
A while ago this was part of a reading in chapel, and it really struck me for the first time. Usually when this passage is read I'm so preoccupied thinking about how wonderful it is that men and women are the same flesh and thinking about how this is the first marriage and it's so pure and beautiful. But think about this line with me for a second. The Bible (this is God's holy Word) just straight up tells you that these two people are naked. And shameless. Not embarrassed at all. Or insecure. Or even a little scared.
What happened to that?
Obviously the next chapter talks about their fall into sin, but did that have to completely ruin everything? We still get married, become a new family, and join our flesh to create children. The feeling of freedom is gone though. When did we start to feel shame about one of God's greatest gifts? Christian friends, I've come to the time when my blog talks about sex. Because as much as we'd like to make it taboo and shameful, it's not. The intimate physical love shared between two married people is an awesome blessing! But, like most things in this world, it was cast into a shadow when we fell into sin.
Ever since I had that "Wow" moment about this verse, I've been considering why we feel so shameful about sex. Mostly I've decided the problem is that our culture is so saturated with sexual immorality. Sex within the context of marriage is totally great, but when do we ever talk about that? We see movies that feature short-lived, passionate (and often secret) sexual encounters, creating a "cloak and dagger" attitude about the act. We read magazines that tell us how to "amaze your partner in bed" right next to horror stories about nasty breakups. The hurt and damage that comes from inappropriate sex isn't just in fiction though. So many times I've seen friends hurt because they "gave all they had" to someone they were dating and it didn't work out.
What I find most detestable about our culture these days is the general availability and acceptability of pornography and sexual images. I have several close friends with deep emotional scars from a porn addiction earlier in life. It's a struggle for them every day to overcome temptation. It affects their relationships. In a world where almost everyone by the age of 16 (or even younger) has seen sex acted out "perfectly" on a screen, how are we supposed to feel confident in our own sexual encounters? How could we possibly feel completely secure about our own bodies when we know our partner has seen other bodies more attractive than ours? It breaks my heart that, in an act that should allow two people who are committed in love to enjoy each other without shame, we are fighting insecurity and anxiety simply because we live in a sinful and impatient world.
The temptation we face as Christians who save sexuality for marriage makes for a difficult transition once the condition of marriage is reached. A friend who is getting married soon was talking with me, and saying how weird it's going to be on the night of her wedding. She remarked, "We've gone through all these years of dating with the attitude that sex is completely out of the question, and then in one afternoon suddenly it's going to be okay." My prayer is that when I'm dating my future spouse, we can have a healthy respect and for the gift of sex and an understanding of purity with each other. I've learned some hard lessons about giving an inch and taking a mile. It will be hard to resist temptation, and we will probably have to resort to associating shame with the action itself and then overcoming that attitude once we're married.
I guess the point of all this is to encourage you to remember that sex is indeed a wonderful gift. We abuse it, and the abuses make the gift harder to enjoy. But if we save that gift for it's rightful place, we will never have to feel shame. We can simply delight in being one flesh, and know that we are sharing a unique and new experience together with the one person we love most. Even though we want things to happen on our own time, God's way is always the most joyful in the end.
It's possible that if I post over the next couple months it will be prompted by a Bible study I'm going through right now centered around Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, A Time for Everything.
This week the pair that we looked at was in Verse 2: "a time to plant and a time to uproot". That idea is completely relevant in my life right now. I think I've said before how much is changing for me. Nothing seems constant, and it's sometimes really hard to figure out which changes are from God, and which come from the selfishness of man. Then if I do believe that God is working a change I have to set about accepting it. Sometimes I mess up and start something that isn't in God's plan. In this case we have the assurance from Matthew 15:13, "Every plant that my heavenly Father has not planted will be pulled up by the roots." Often our new endeavours don't work out for a very good reason. It can be hard to remember that God has a hand in all that we do. He hinders that which would harm us, and aids the things that enrich our lives, all according to his plan. David writes in Psalm 1:3 that the man who is in God's keeping "is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers." I don't know about you, but I often wish that God would give me a sign that I'm on the right track. Here's the surprise - He does that for us every day! Every time that we experience contentment and a smooth road to success, God is telling us that we are on the right track. His plans never fail, and only receive opposition from the attacks of Satan.
Okay, so God plants us where he wants us to be and waters us with his blessings, but what about when we have problems? What happens when sin comes in and stunts our growth? We live in the midst of sin every minute of every day; sin that diseases us and withers our spirit. Things in our lives that deserve hard work and dedication are left for dead. But there is still hope for the gifts from God that we think are damaged beyond help.
The parable of Luke 13:6-9 goes like this: "A man had a fig tree, planted in his vineyard, and he went to look for fruit on it, but did not find any. So he said to the man who took care of the vineyard, 'For three years now I've been coming to look for fruit on this fig tree and haven't found any. Cut it down! Why should it use up the soil?' 'Sir,' the man replied, 'leave it alone for one more year, and I'll dig around it and fertilize it. If it bears fruit next year, fine! If not, then cut it down." Maybe it seems like a lot of work, but we can never know what blessings may come to us if we wait just a little while before we give up on something or someone. Maybe it's a relationship that you thought was dead. Or an activity that's simply too much effort. It could be a forgotten blessing. Look for ways to work on it, and see what good things may follow.
Obviously I have quite a bit to say about the subject of planting and fertilizing the proverbial gardens of our lives. But what is really hitting home (literally) for me at this moment is the idea of uprooting. What happens when it's time for something to end? Possibly that's a relief. But I'm inclined to believe that the mysterious writer of Ecclesiastes is speaking more about the aspects of our lives that we would really prefer not to let go of. Some of them are poisonous and harmful, and we hold onto them stubbornly believing that they're good for us. Yet sometimes it's simply time for a good thing to be done, so that another good thing can begin.
For the last 9 years of my life my home has been in Southern Illinois. I grew up in a small town from 6th grade until now. I have friends and mentors there that have shaped the person I am today. Yes, I'm happy at college, but that was the place that my heart called home. My father has taken a new job. While I continue on here in Wisconsin, my parents are packing up everything I've known and finding a house in Saint Louis. I'm too far away to help them move, and I'll have one final weekend to say my goodbyes to my hometown. My dad will no longer be my pastor. We can't even keep our cat. The uprooting of my earthly home has drawn my attention to how attached I am to earthly things. It's a natural human reaction, but it seems silly. My car wreck last year should have taught me that nothing is certain. I've always been slow to learn lessons like that though.
What I need to remember is that my true home is always with my Savior Jesus. He is working wonderful things for me and my family, and this job will be a tremendous blessing. He is with me everywhere I am, no matter what I do, and when all that I am here on earth passes away, he will be waiting for me in my eternal home. What a beautiful assurance.
"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." ~ Proverbs 19:21
We love to make plans, don't we? It's nice to feel like we know where we're going in life. We go to school, invest money, buy houses, and search for companions - all to secure our future. Most of us spend our lives dreaming of the "next big thing". It can be so exciting to think about how much better life will be in the future.
The truth we'd rather not face is that nothing is ever certain aside from God's love for us. It's good to have goals rather than living aimlessly, but our goals are by no means guaranteed. This has been a year of changes in my life. I got a new job, and have moved around to various homes (with various roommates). I left a long-term relationship. I changed my college major. People have entered and left my life. I even chopped off all my hair and started a weight loss program. Right now I feel like a completely different person than I was even 3 months ago. Some of the changes have been great. Some have been really hard. Sometimes it's been hard to know what to feel. Through it all I've been tempted to be upset. So much change is enough to make anyone worry what the next overhaul will be. As always though, the only comfort for times like these comes from Jesus. He says in Matthew 6:25 and 27, "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?...Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
God provides for us in so many ways, even when it seems like the important things in our lives are falling apart. We still have life and love. Better still, we have assurance of eternal happiness through Jesus. That will never change. Take a moment to cherish the smaller joys in life, and you'll find that your heart feels lighter. As they used to say on VeggieTales, "A thankful heart is a happy heart."
There are some days when I just feel terrified. The world can seem so bleak. Today is one of those days. I'm afraid, because I feel like I'm living in a society bound for failure.
A couple nights ago I was watching Star Trek: The Next Generation (one of my favorite shows). One of the adventures of the episode was that the crew found an "ancient" satellite floating through space with three cryogenically frozen people on board. When the three people were thawed, it was discovered that they were from the late 20th century. After listening to them carry on about their lost lives and possessions for a while, Commander Riker says, "It's a wonder our race survived past the 21st century."
Unfortunately sometimes I think the same thing. It seems that everyone (myself included) is often selfish and apathetic. We only do things that benefit ourselves in some way. We think that someone else will take care of the things that are distasteful. Our society has trained us in making excellent excuses, so that even we ourselves are fooled into thinking that "We just can't do it."
However severe the issue is today, apathy is not a new problem. Maybe times in the Bible the people that God chooses to do his work are fearful and unwilling. Think of Moses. God came to him in his exile and chose him to be the one to free his people from slavery. But he was afraid and doubted himself. In Exodus 3 and 4, as he is conversing with God, Moses argues, "Who am I to bring the Israelites out of Egypt?", and "What if they do not believe me?", and "I am slow of speech and tongue." All of these are questions we might ask when God is calling us. But God always provides the means to accomplish his will. In Exodus 4:11-12 God says to Moses, "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say."
How can we be afraid to fail when God has equipped us for success? When God calls us to do his will, whether the task is daunting or seemingly insignificant, we can be confident and gladly answer, as in Isaiah 6:8, "Here am I. Send me!"
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