Never fear

I'll never learn. 
I always want to take care of it myself. I never trust. I have hour-long panic attacks on the phone with my boyfriend because I've had barely any social contact outside of class for weeks. So I sit there and tell him that my life is hopeless; that I've prayed and waited and I'm tired of it. And the very next day I get invited to hang out in someone's room and go to a musical theatre showcase. Did it solve all my problems? No. But it certainly felt like God tapping me on the shoulder, saying "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10)
It's so hard sometimes to figure out the balance between leaving it up to God and making it happen yourself. When should I throw myself out there? (If it were up to me, never. Social daring is something I lack.) When should I focus on living my life and just trust God to throw opportunities in my face? When should I take them? Am I missing the opportunities I'm being given because I'm "not in the mood for people today"? Some people I know would tell me that I can't do anything. But I disagree, especially since I studied some of James the other day. Take James 2:14-16: "What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such a faith save him? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, 'Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,' but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it?" This of course is talking about our charity and witness to others, but it can apply to our own lives too. God oversees our lives and is in ultimate control, but there's a manner of truth to the phrase "God helps those who help themselves". For the thousandth time, I lament that God doesn't write instructions on the bathroom mirror every morning. But I suppose then faith would be pointless. It wouldn't even be faith, it would be scientific observation. "Oh, there is an unknown entity writing out instructions on how to live life well on my mirror. Must be God." 
So for now (and always), I'm back to stumbling through life, praying for guidance. And yet, I still don't doubt that it's worth it. The things that happen in my life are sometimes just to emotional and incredible to call coincidence. Whether or not I always remember it, rich blessings are mine. Thanks be to God.

Note: The pictures labeled "creation's reflection" that will occasionally grace my blog are the original work of my gifted friend Beth. Obviously they have a logo, so it would be silly to copy them, but if you want to do it anyway, show your Christian love by refraining.