30 Days of Bite-Sized Faith: Eleven

"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners - of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display His unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on Him and receive eternal life." (1 Timothy 1:15-16)

Was Paul really the worst of sinners? I mean he had messed up pretty badly, but is there even such a thing as the worst of sinners? There isn't anywhere in the Bible that lists a hierarchy of sins. One isn't really worse than another. Some ensnare us and lead us to repetition, sinking deeper into our souls. Some involve others, and can tempt them into sin as well. But I don't think we can say that one person is a "worse" sinner than another. We all need God's grace and patience. And yet, how many times have I believed myself to be the worst sinner imaginable? More than I care to say.

I am stubborn. I struggle with depression and anxiety, and in my personality there is a stubbornness that feeds those illnesses until I am trapped by them. In my stubbornness, I often refuse to forgive myself. Being stubborn can be okay when you're holding to your convictions or pursuing your goals, but it's not as okay when you're holding to the belief that you have damaged something (maybe even yourself) beyond the point of repair. That kind of refusal to budge leads to hopelessness, and it is my greatest struggle. My nearsighted insistence that my past sins have left everything permanently ruined and that there is nothing to be done is a weakness in my faith, and it's one I need to work on. Our God created the world and gave it order, and then repaired it after it fell into sin, sending His Son to give us salvation and hope. It is quite simply ridiculous for us to think that He cannot unravel the tangled messes in our lives and build them back up for our good. He can. And He does. All we have to do is listen, and give Him space to work.  

Don't convince yourself you are the worst sinner. Believe you have the best Savior.